Posts tagged nonfiction

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
by Lynne Truss

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before:

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
     “Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
     “I’m a panda,” he says at the door. “Look it up.”
     The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.
     “Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”

This joke, which appears right at home as a filler on a page of Reader’s Digest and hardly calls for a round of badum tish, has become a classic illustration of the importance of correct punctuation since the publication of the bestselling book that made it famous several years ago. The book in question is Lynne Truss’s Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. “So, punctuation really does matter,” the book says, “even if it is only occasionally a matter of life and death.”

I’m a self-styled grammar and punctuation stickler, but I’ll be the first one to admit that the chances of a black-and-white, primarily herbivorous bear-like animal entering your business establishment or even your home, eating your burger and fries, firing gunshots in the air, then exiting as though what it just did was perfectly normal on account of an extraneous comma in a reference book that transformed a pairing of a simple present tense transitive verb (eats) and its noun-phrase direct compound object (shoots and leaves) into a series of simple present tense habitual verbs (eats, shoots and leaves) are practically nil. Translation: Don’t panic. Unless pandas stop being complacent and go beyond cutely eating bamboo shoots and leaves and cutely sneezing to their mothers’ surprise in YouTube videos by developing the advanced facility to read and the even more advanced ability to recognize ambiguities caused by grammatical faux pas, we don’t have to worry about them taking our favorite food and endangering our precious lives. But I stand firm like the sarcasm-denoting temherte slaq (although I’m in no way being sarcastic) in supporting Truss’s (yes, that’s an apostrophe and an s) proposition that we pay attention every now and then if not ideally all the time to proper grammar and punctuation. I told you I’m a stickler.

“Sticklers, unite!” is Truss’s battlecry, and its reverberations are felt throughout the book. She is, of course, calling for grammatical sticklers like her to band together and counter the decline of punctuation, which may or may not be the decline of civilization itself. For those who don’t know what a grammatical stickler is, Truss gives a pretty accurate definition:

Grammatical sticklers are the worst people for finding common cause because it is in their nature (obviously) to pick holes in everyone, even their best friends. Honestly, what an annoying bunch of people.

Indeed, Truss, not unlike her stickler friends (myself included), can be so annoying and ruthless as to say,

To those who care about punctuation, a sentence such as “Thank God its Friday” (without the apostrophe) rouses feelings not only of despair but of violence. The confusion of the possessive “its” (no apostrophe) with the contractive “it’s” (with apostrophe) is an unequivocal signal of illiteracy and sets off a simple Pavlovian “kill” response in the average stickler.

Apparently, I’m no average stickler, or else I’d be guilty of multiple homicide. Thank God.

With playful chapter titles like “That’ll Do, Comma” and “Cutting a Dash,” Truss puts forth both a brief history of punctuation and a straightforward punctuation guide in Eats, Shoots & Leaves. She considers, not without humor and self-reference, the versatile apostrophe (which greengrocers tend to violate in their signs for “FRESH FRUIT AND VEGETABLE’S”), the ubiquitous comma (whose appearance has been likened by Nicholson Baker to “the pedals of grand pianos, mosquito larvae, paisleys, adult nostril openings, the spiralling decays of fundamental particles, the prows of gondolas”), the intoning question mark (of which Gertrude Stein was not a fan), and the snooty semicolon (which Donald Barthelme thought was “ugly, ugly as a tick on a dog’s belly”), among other common punctuation marks. She also mentions the rise of the punctuation mark-based emoticon and, in the manner of Roger Ebert pointing the finger on the growing popularity of e-books for what he perceives as the present generation’s underappreciation of The Great Gatsby and 10,000 Jokes, Toasts and Stories (It took me great restraint not to put an Oxford comma between Toasts and and.), says that the Internet—you know, that place with all the grammatically challenged but deadly cute feline creatures—and text messaging are partly responsible for the widespread mistreatment of the subtle art of punctuation.

Truss is a prolific print and broadcast journalist hailing from England, and Eats, Shoots & Leaves is decidedly British, retaining its British English conventions in its American edition. But Truss, rather scathingly, makes sure to point out a few important differences between American and British English punctuation terms and rules, with which the very British Lord Voldemort himself agrees:

You say “parentheses” while we say “brackets”—but to people who call an apostrophe “one of them floating comma things” it doesn’t matter very much. They are unlikely to spot that American usage interestingly places all terminal punctuation inside closing quotation marks, while British usage sometimes “picks and chooses”. (Like that.)

All the same, whether you’re on this side of the Atlantic or that, whether you’re inclined to write, “A woman, without her man, is nothing,” or “A woman: without her, man is nothing,” and whether you uphold the Oxford comma or not, there’s something to like about and plenty to learn from Truss and her trigger-happy panda.

Notorious Royal Marriages: A Juicy Journey Through Nine Centuries of Dynasty, Destiny, and Desire
by Leslie Carroll

Notorious Royal Marriages, as its mouthful of a subtitle articulates, offers a trip through almost a millennium’s worth of scandalous true stories populated by royal husbands and wives. And, boy, what an exciting trip it is. It is a book which owes its spine to the less than lovely love stories of thirty-two royal marriages told in chronological order by wedding date and marked by varying levels of spicy controversy, beginning with the ill-fated pairing of Louis VII and Eleanor of Aquitaine in the 1100s and concluding with the love triangle of Princess Diana, Prince Charles, and Camilla Parker Bowles, the subjects of many a paparazzi photo and much tabloid tittle tattle during the last couple of decades.

History asserts that most marriages amongst European royalty and nobility were less concerned with love than with the prospects of expanding territories, which fueled the matrimony of the above-mentioned twelfth-century couple, and prolonging dynasties, which motivated Napoleon Bonaparte to divorce Josephine when she failed to bear him a male heir. Historical nonfiction author Leslie Carroll, armed with an assortment of well-researched facts and a knack for entertaining and not at all yawn-inducing storytelling, makes good cases of this in Notorious Royal Marriages, as she reveals that although the unions of most royal couples were celebrated with grand fairy tale wedding ceremonies, their perfunctory “I do’s” actually heralded a series of unfortunate marital and extramarital events.

Quite delightfully, Notorious Royal Marriages lends weight to the lamentable and reductive age-old reflection that everyone loves a royal wedding… Everyone except for the royal couple, that is.

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Notorious Royal Marriages is available at Fully Booked, Bonifacio Global City, Taguig City.

The Other Side of Desire: Four Journeys into the Realms of Lust and Longing
by Daniel Bergner

In his acclaimed nonfiction book released in 1999, New York-based journalist Daniel Bergner details his stay in a penal institution in Louisiana, where he met and became friends with six inmates serving a life sentence. Using the penitentiary’s annual rodeo competition as a framing device, the award-winning writer recounts his experiences with his incarcerated subjects as he discovers that underneath the serious crimes that led them to the largest maximum-security prison in America each of them is still very much a person and not a mere prototype of a bad guy in a crime TV series. Bergner’s year-long self-imposed sojourn within the prison’s walls ultimately resulted in the publication of God of the Rodeo, a book that evinced both the author’s propensity for compelling narrative and his deference to the plight of others—qualities which he would exhibit again a decade later in another well-written work of nonfiction called The Other Side of Desire. 

At once bold and captivating, The Other Side of Desire is an anthology of psychological nonfiction that could very well be God of the Rodeo’s identical twin. In this new book, the real-life protagonists are also prisoners, but they are of a different kind: they are prisoners of lust and its promise of ecstasy. The book, four years in the making, comprises four episodes of Bergner’s encounters with four individuals who are affected by different modes of fascinating, if bizarre, psychosexual conditions. Known in psychiatric parlance as paraphilias and often, but disputably, classified as sexual disorders, the conditions discussed in length in The Other Side of Desire include atypical patterns of behavior that when exposed are sure to cause raised eyebrows and turned stomachs, body parts that, while no doubt responsive, are not what Bergner sets out to elicit reactions from. As made evident as early as in the book’s introductory pages, he is after the reader’s heart and mind. 

Each of the four intriguingly titled chapters in the book sees Bergner juggling between telling, fly-on-the-wall style, the interesting and at times surprisingly inspiring story of a paraphiliac person and presenting scientific information that seeks to clarify the mystery surrounding that person’s unusual condition as well as the varying proclivities of other similarly affected people. In the opening chapter called The Phantom of the Opera, Bergner introduces Jacob, a traveling salesman who has a deep-seated fetish for feet, endowing him with the ability to reach orgasm within seconds and without touching at the sight of a pair of what he refers to as “platypus feet,” with “toes [that] formed a perfect staircase.” In the next chapter, The Beacon, The Baroness, fashion designer by day and female sadist with a pronounced preference for “the topography of lacerations” by night, the author (and by extension, the reader) is made privy to her sado-masochistic sessions with her numerous slaves. The penultimate episode, The Water’s Edge, brings to mind Vladimir Nabokov’s Humbert and Lolita as it focuses on Roy, a band performer turned pedophile, arrested for harassing her eleven-year-old stepdaughter. Finally, in The Devotee, an advertising executive named Ron shares how he lives with his odd and highly selective erotic attraction towards amputees. 

These stories of real people who happen to possess inclinations that are perhaps no less strange than the wish of some persons to buy a piece of celebrity memorabilia at a ridiculously high price are interspersed with reports of Bergner’s research and interviews with experts in the study of sex, that force which is nothing if not “a powerful, biologically based appetite.” In his attempt to pinpoint the provenance of desire, Bergner talked with a number of renowned scientists and psychiatrists, including the personal therapists of the four protagonists of his book. Not surprisingly, the bits of information he gathered from his research and correspondence with the PhD-wielding authorities resulted in another long and winding battle between nature and nurture, a seemingly endless tennis match between heredity and environment. Taking the case of Jacob for example, I could easily come up with a series of questions in relation to the classic debate: Was Jacob somehow hard-wired to feel extreme sexual interest towards feet while still in his mother’s womb, perhaps causing the absence of an enzyme that would trigger this abnormality? Or was it his habit of looking down when asked a difficult question in grade school, evading the humiliating stares of his classmates and admiring their feet instead, that caused his fetish? And how come one man’s craving for feet is considered abasing and another man’s attraction towards breasts, buttocks, legs, or napes isn’t? Is a sexual “disorder” a mere product of society and its established norms? How does Jacob cope with his problem? Will he ever be able to completely contain such a strong desire? Does he even have to? 

Although the book is filled with informative and thought-provoking disciplinary statements and most of its paragraphs are punctuated with interesting bits of trivia, probably the most memorable being the existence of a tribe in Papua New Guinea where fellatio between an adult male and a young boy is traditionally encouraged, I finished The Other Book of Desire feeling a slight sense of not knowing the answers to all the questions posed by the author, much less to the ones that swam in my head while reading it. However, I also felt a seldom experienced sense of fellowship, inevitably established after having read about the lives of Jacob, The Baroness, Roy, and Ron, not because I could relate to their unusual desires but simply because I could relate to their humanity. Bergner immersed himself in the world of these paraphiliacs, who I should point out are all human beings lest somebody forget or think otherwise, let them be seen in a new light, and wrote about them with such sensitivity that I gradually developed nonjudgmental empathy towards these individuals who are no more prisoners of desire, sexual and otherwise, than you and I. 

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The Other Side of Desire is available at Fully Booked, Bonifacio Global City, Taguig City.